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PostingChore wars

Financial pressure on families is so intense that men are increasingly keen for their wives to work, but less so if their children are under school age, reports The Telegraph.

Far from regarding the role of breadwinner as male, the number of men who believe it is the man's job to earn money has dropped by almost half, from 32 per cent in 1989 to 17 per cent in 2006. The findings are part of the latest British Social Attitudes report, an influential government-funded survey.

Women's motives for getting back to work are mixed: some are the main breadwinner, others feel it wrong to waste their education and some say their job is part of their social identity. Many simply need the money.

Some things remain reassuringly unchanged. The battle over who does the household chores has barely moved on in recent years.

Almost eight in 10 people with partners say the woman usually or always does the laundry, a similar proportion to 1994. Surrounded by damp laundry as I type, I can agree with that one, though in fairness to Va-vay, he's good at ironing and more than pulls his weight around the house.

Men and women disagree when it comes to saying how much of the housework they actually do - a situation The Telegraph wittily describes as the "chore wars".

Two thirds of women say that they usually or always do the cleaning but only 54 per cent of men say this of their partner.

The most liberal division of labour is reportedly found among couples where the woman works full-time. Some days I feel pushed working part-time from home. I'm beginning to worry I'll never get the nerve up to go back to full-time work.

Posted 23 January 2008 11:08 | Number of comments: 6 | Comments

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PostingNew me

Let's start with the good news. A mere 15 months after the Bean's arrival, I have slimmed down to the point where I no longer need to wear my old maternity clothes. People have, thank God, stopped a) asking when the baby's due (from the more brazen) and b) looking pointedly at my stomach.

And the bad news? The bad news is:

1. Trauma of ridding wardrobe of old and beloved maternity pantaloons

2. I have hardly any normal clothes left, not ones I fit into or could use anyway

3. After 15 months with a mix of statutory maternity pay and part-time freelance work, there's not much money to buy new threads.

4. The worst bit - I'm not doing very well at coming to terms with a symbolic end to The Bean's baby years.

First I piled up all my old maternity trousers, with their funny elasticated rigging that I dimly remember once, long, long ago, striking me as peculiar. They now seem alarmingly normal. The strange tweed maternity skirt from the Formes sale that I had to keep hitching up over my bump even at nine months. Cheap tops from Dorothy Perkins that fell apart in the wash.

Then I set to work on all the breastfeeding gear - breastfeeding nighties, breastfeeding camisoles, breastfeeding winter tops, breastfeeding T-shirts. Looking at the unironed pile of flannel on my bedroom floor, I did wonder if breastfeeding really does work out cheaper than bottles; that lot must have filled the NCT coffers by a few hundred quid. Here, too, it was hard to say goodbye. Flannel is very comfortable against the skin, you know.

Like maternity clothes, breastfeeding tops are another clothing peculiarity. From afar they seem normal, that is until you inspect them more closely and see the strange flaps, slits, panelling and apertures tucked away. The sight of them brought back happy memories: on a trip to the local art shop, the owner had to point out to me I'd neglected to close the flaps up again after feeding The Bean. Oops. Very bohemian.

About a dozen lovely glamorous greying nursing bras, including the badly-fitted one that had me in agony with a blocked duct, followed them into a storage basket. Even after all the early traumas of breastfeeding I was upset to see them all go, but I've steeled myself to draw a line and move on.

Then the following day, in one of those coincidences that are so uncannily in tune with personal circumstances they really shouldn't be a coincidence, a woman in the street stopped me to ask if I knew any good maternity wear shops in Edinburgh. I suppose she must have guessed I'd know, judging from The Bean's age. As I pointed up the hill to one place, tears welled up in my eyes, I cut the conversation short, and pushed The Bean away.

Update later the same day... it seems I spoke too soon. My kind neighbour saw me struggling in with five shopping bags earlier, and insisted on carrying two of them up the stairs to our second floor flat.... because she thought I was expecting. This is just intolerable. I look more pregnant than some of the women who really are. I have had to explain again I am not pregnant, though God knows I wish I were, (I spared her that part) and that I had a miscarriage. She looked mortified at her mistake, and I have just come off the phone to Va-vay in floods of tears.

Posted 30 July 2007 11:33 | Number of comments: 10 | Comments

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PostingBreaks and Ladders

Interesting piece in The Economist about patterns of female employment. According to Sylvia Hewlett of the Centre for Work-Life Policy in New York, more than a third (37%) of all professional women drop out of work at some point and even more will spend time working flexibly. Depressingly, getting back into work isn't easy: only 40% manage to find full-time jobs. And even those women who do make it back full-time suffer a huge loss of earnings - a 38% fall for those who've been out of the office for three years or more compared with those who stayed. The report says the big accounting firms do more than many employers to retain "off-ramped" female staff, offering formal career breaks, flexi-time, home working and seasonal schedules which can fit with school holidays. A couple of other employers offer project work to women who don't want to take on full-time positions. Let's hope more employers follow suit.

Posted 26 July 2007 11:57 | Number of comments: 14 | Comments

Home working Money Work Work vs mothering

PostingHome work - oh, and I'm a Rockin Blogger!

After six months of working from home, I'm finally realising there are ways to make it easier on myself and the rest of my family. It seems only polite to share these ideas on home-working with you all. So, here are my suggestions.

Please feel free to disagree or jump in with any ideas of your own.

1. If your budget can stretch to it, invest in a decent office chair.

Using a dining room chair for my work was threatening to cripple me. So I've just ordered a proper swivel chair with good back support. I couldn't stand up straight after some days hunched over the laptop. How I wish I'd done it sooner.

2. Don't use your ordinary home phone for work calls.

Safeguard your privacy. Get VOIP (voice-over internet protocol). Calls are cheaper. And you won't risk picking up the home phone thinking it's your mum or husband, only to find yourself talking to an important client, who will thrill to the accompanying shrieks from your small and attention-deprived child.

3. You might think you're working two days a week. Many of your contacts won't. Set boundaries - politely.

This is a tricky one. Tip 2 helps. Obviously, it's important to strike a balance, and remain flexible to maintain important relationships. After all, this is work. Unless I say "no" sometimes, my 'two-day' week could include every available crack of time, morning, noon and night.

4. Ensure you get some fresh air daily.

It's all too easy never to leave the flat, especially if my husband takes The Bean to nursery. A stroll round the corner to escape the citadel cheers me up no end. Coffee at the local deli/cafe on my own is a real treat.

5. Remember that office workers march to a different beat

How dare my husband get short with me when I've phoned up for a good long chat?

6. Make an effort to meet people

When even the postman is walking faster as you hove into view because you've spent so much time gabbing about weather/holidays/postal strike, it might be time to meet other work-at-homes for a quick coffee.

7. When you're cursing your solitude, remember all the things about office life that got you down

I'd better be discreet here.

8. If you're setting up on your own, give yourself time to get established

Don't expect instant miracles. Be patient. Suffice to say, I am not a patient person. I wish I were. I married someone patient, hoping it would rub off on me. So far it has not worked. I cannot ask for my money back. I cannot send him back now to the lovely vicar who married us. It's too late. The 'return-by' period has expired. I could not imagine living without him. You see, I need his patience.

9. Try to keep at least one day weekly completely work-free

Okay, it's hard to resist a sneaky daily look at that inbox. But at least one day a week of minimal work is refreshing.

10. Don't feel too bad about frequent tea breaks.

Think of all the time wasted in offices catching up with what colleagues did at the weekend. Or hawking round birthday cards. Not to mention "internal meetings". You probably get more concentrated stretches of work done at home.

11. Never buy biscuits

Self-explanatory, I should think. I didn't get this blog title by accident.

Other news:

Erica from Littlemummy has made me a Rockin' Blogger! Thanks, Erica. I'm delighted!

Rockin' Blogger

That means it's my turn to award the Rockin' Blogger to two other sites.

So, here goes... I'd like to choose Omega Mum from Three Kids No Job and Beta Mum from Keir Royale. They both write warm and witty blogs about their lives that I find quite addictive. Omega Mum, Beta Mum, over to you! Your turn to award two blogs you like this thumbs-up.

Erica, thanks also for setting up a UK Parents Blog Ring (details in the blogroll, right). I've already signed up and understand from Erica new members are welcome!

Posted 12 July 2007 22:40 | Number of comments: 32 | Comments

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PostingRights of working mums

One of my favourite sites, The Times' Alpha Mummy blog, has an excellent posting called Legal advice for working mums: six things you should know. It provides answers to questions such as whether you have to notify an employer when interviewing for a job that you're pregnant (no, you don't), is an employer obliged to give time off for family emergencies (yes, but it'll be unpaid), and what's the best way to make a case for flexible or part-time working (write a letter citing recent legislation).

It also looks at how employment law affects people who employ nannies (not one of my problems, have to admit), and whether you can enforce a nanny confidentiality clause (again, not an issue for me; can't imagine anyone being that interested in my domestic set-up). I'm no expert on any of this, nor are many of my friends, and so it was good to see some answers to these difficult issues.

As I said in a comment on the Alpha Mummy posting, there's a need for more information on working mothers' rights.  I speak to so many mums who aren't aware of their employment rights, and hear of bosses who don't hesitate to exploit that lack of awareness. The law seems to change so fast in this area as well. I suppose there will always be bosses who try it on - just as there will always be some bad-egg employees, too - but at least if people are better-informed about their legal rights, working mothers have a better chance of a decent deal.

Posted 02 June 2007 19:44 | Number of comments: 1 | Comments

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