PostingSpy Hard

There's more to this parenting lark than I first suspected. I can no longer agree with the father who told me: "A bit of nerve and a lot of stamina - that's all a new parent needs, really." I'd have to add cunning to the list. You see, it turns out I've been spied on in my own home. By a deceptively sweet-faced baby we call The Bean. Yes, she's had me under surveillance night and day for 14 months - and until recently I never suspected a thing.

Turns out The Bean has spent her entire life-time shadowing me here, in the privacy of my own home. A regular infant spook. She has scrutinised my every move. And now, oh how this makes me cringe, I'm seeing them - including some frankly unappealing character traits - relayed back to me by her. 

Sat on kitchen floor next to 'her' bins, arms akimbo, determined and cross, she reminds me of someone. At first I can't think who. Then it comes to me. Oh crikey - is that what I look like? Seizes her father's asthma puffer and pops it in her mouth, shuts her eyes and puffs on it. Grins. Like her dad.

Pretends to brush her teeth with our tooth brushes (though she won't suffer the real thing at bed-time). Pulls my bushy hairbrush through her soft curls. Gazes at self in mirror. Attacks chalk drawing in serious, purposeful manner I recognise of old. Wipes down her changing mat as she must have seen me do. Sighs heavily at computer's recalcitrance. Loves a joke and socialising. Laughs and giggles.

It's like one of those management courses in self-awareness. But I never signed up for this. Ok, the sleepless nights I knew about. But action replays of my every move... nobody warned me about that. Some of these traits I never even realised I had - the mania for wiping surfaces, for example. I shall have to be careful. Never mind about my scary and near-total responsibility for how she turns out as an adult just for now. Next, she'll begin blogging. About me. Now that's a really scary thought.

Posted 27 June 2007 12:44

Childcare Daughter Domestic chaos Home

Comments

iota said:
Mirror

Just wait till she starts talking... My son, aged 2, informed us that he had to "press on" with watching a video. We still laugh.

Posted 27 June 2007 14:49

Mother at Large said:
Pressing on...

Very important business, watching videos, Iota. People to see, places to be. Busy, busy, busy!

Posted 27 June 2007 15:12

guineapigmum said:
And when they start talking...

...you realise they've understood everything (and I mean everything)that you've said for the past 2 years. You have been warned!

Posted 27 June 2007 15:34

Mother at Large said:
Oh no!

GPM, my ears are burning already. HOW ON EARTH could I have been so indiscreet? Family parties will be a minefield.

Posted 27 June 2007 15:50

Stay at home dad said:
Self Awareness Courses?

Thank goodness I missed out on those. Many men would benefit from baby awareness lessons though...

Posted 27 June 2007 18:15

Mother at Large said:
Oh yes

Not just the men, SAHD. We could all benefit from those. Maybe they'll introduce them at the health centre ante-natal classes.

Posted 27 June 2007 22:42

zornhau said:
You wait...

They also use your parenting techniques against you, e.g. distraction and differential attention.

Posted 28 June 2007 09:40

DJ Kirkby said:
Blogging about mothers

Lol! I wonder if that is what is going through my mother's mind when she reads my 'Adventures of a wild hippie child' blog postings? I occasionaly hear number 3 son mimic myself or Chopper but what I find most cringe worthy is when I hear myself talking like my mother, saying all those retorts I used to resent her for using on me! What has become of me?

Posted 28 June 2007 19:09

Mother at Large said:
Impersonators

Not to mention the swift parry in sword fight they learnt from the master, Zornhau! DJ, it's inevitable, since having The Bean I sometimes feel as if I AM my mother. As Bridget Jones said, there's no "as if" about it. It's like being reincarnated in another person's body. Yes, it's scary.

Posted 28 June 2007 20:17

Omega Mum said:
Hide the corkscrew

I think that pretty much sums it up. Or train her to open the bottles and serve a glass to you both. We ended up doing that with ours. You have to go hand to hand with the social workers on a regular basis, but by gum it brings on their fine motor skills a treat.

Posted 29 June 2007 10:34

Drunk Mummy said:
Don't Do As I Say

It's hearing your own intonation come back at you that is really spooky. It's not like you can tell them off about it - you just end up giving them yet another masterclass!

Posted 29 June 2007 15:36

Mother at Large said:
Do as I do

OM, your comment made me laugh out loud! Trouble is I can't drink more than a glass nowadays without suffering the next day. But I might force some down for the sake of her motor skills.... DM, I'm getting glimpses of what you mean already. Thanks for the heads-up on this!

Posted 29 June 2007 17:12

Kit said:
Bad Mummies and Daddies!

You're so right about parenting advice changing all the time. I was hearing this morning about how taking your child out of school for holidays during term time could affect their exam performance. Be warned, Mother At Large, take The Bean away for a long weekend when she's five and she'll fail all her A-levels!

Posted 30 June 2007 16:43

Mother at Large said:
Naughty

Hi Kit, yes, the advice does tend to hint at long-term consequences, presumably so the advisers can't be caught out when you ignore their advice but nothing bad happens in the short term.

Posted 30 June 2007 19:33

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