Despatches from a mother who started late (and is running to catch up)

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New me

Let's start with the good news. A mere 15 months after the Bean's arrival, I have slimmed down to the point where I no longer need to wear my old maternity clothes. People have, thank God, stopped a) asking when the baby's due (from the more brazen) and b) looking pointedly at my stomach.

And the bad news? The bad news is:

1. Trauma of ridding wardrobe of old and beloved maternity pantaloons

2. I have hardly any normal clothes left, not ones I fit into or could use anyway

3. After 15 months with a mix of statutory maternity pay and part-time freelance work, there's not much money to buy new threads.

4. The worst bit - I'm not doing very well at coming to terms with a symbolic end to The Bean's baby years.

First I piled up all my old maternity trousers, with their funny elasticated rigging that I dimly remember once, long, long ago, striking me as peculiar. They now seem alarmingly normal. The strange tweed maternity skirt from the Formes sale that I had to keep hitching up over my bump even at nine months. Cheap tops from Dorothy Perkins that fell apart in the wash.

Then I set to work on all the breastfeeding gear - breastfeeding nighties, breastfeeding camisoles, breastfeeding winter tops, breastfeeding T-shirts. Looking at the unironed pile of flannel on my bedroom floor, I did wonder if breastfeeding really does work out cheaper than bottles; that lot must have filled the NCT coffers by a few hundred quid. Here, too, it was hard to say goodbye. Flannel is very comfortable against the skin, you know.

Like maternity clothes, breastfeeding tops are another clothing peculiarity. From afar they seem normal, that is until you inspect them more closely and see the strange flaps, slits, panelling and apertures tucked away. The sight of them brought back happy memories: on a trip to the local art shop, the owner had to point out to me I'd neglected to close the flaps up again after feeding The Bean. Oops. Very bohemian.

About a dozen lovely glamorous greying nursing bras, including the badly-fitted one that had me in agony with a blocked duct, followed them into a storage basket. Even after all the early traumas of breastfeeding I was upset to see them all go, but I've steeled myself to draw a line and move on.

Then the following day, in one of those coincidences that are so uncannily in tune with personal circumstances they really shouldn't be a coincidence, a woman in the street stopped me to ask if I knew any good maternity wear shops in Edinburgh. I suppose she must have guessed I'd know, judging from The Bean's age. As I pointed up the hill to one place, tears welled up in my eyes, I cut the conversation short, and pushed The Bean away.

Update later the same day... it seems I spoke too soon. My kind neighbour saw me struggling in with five shopping bags earlier, and insisted on carrying two of them up the stairs to our second floor flat.... because she thought I was expecting. This is just intolerable. I look more pregnant than some of the women who really are. I have had to explain again I am not pregnant, though God knows I wish I were, (I spared her that part) and that I had a miscarriage. She looked mortified at her mistake, and I have just come off the phone to Va-vay in floods of tears.

Posted 30 July 2007 11:33

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Comments

Flowerpot said:

I can empathise, MAL. Must be a gut wrenching time for you. Leaving behind a certain phase of our lives is always difficult, but with a child must be ever more poignant. I was looking at my nieces at the weekend remembering a picture I have of them aged 4 & 6. Where's the time gone?

Posted 30 July 2007 11:38

Elsie Button said:

I know exactly what you mean... people have started commenting that Betty (who is only 8 months!) is no longer a baby but a little girl. this upsets me. i want to cling to her babyness - she will probably always be a baby to me! it goes so fast doesn't it. nappy sizes going up, clothes sizes, food getting lumpier, just becoming more and more grown up. but at the same time i cannot wait to see her as a little girl and then a teenager etc.

funny about the flaps on the breast feeding tops! i must be really thick, i never saw these breast feeding tops - i just hitch whatever i'm wearing up!

Posted 30 July 2007 13:02

Mother at Large said:

Flowerpot, thanks for being understanding

Elsie Button, people said it would go fast, but my goodness, it's whooshed by. I wouldn't worry about the breastfeeding gear - I needed it for our cold Scottish weather. It's probably warmer where you are?

Posted 30 July 2007 13:05

Erica said:

Awww, poor you.

Saying bye bye to the baby months is sad, but I'm loving the new toddler phase - how about you?

Posted 30 July 2007 20:40

Omega Mum said:

Revenge is really the only answer here. Unless somebody is a) Having the baby on the spot or b) inviting strangers to stroke the bump, you never, never presume. At least, not in my book. So what you need to do is get a succession of increasingly large and pointless objects, starting with a set of weights, and ask for help carrying them upstairs. I know I've said it before but I can truly sympathise with the miscarriage business.

Posted 30 July 2007 21:12

Omega Mum said:

Posted 30 July 2007 21:12

DJ Kirkby said:

Ah big hug M@L, I feel so sad for you. I have given up caring that I still look pregnant after all I have had 4 1/2 years to get used to it! Instead I am embracing the new fashions that, to me anyway, look suspisciously like a mimicry of maternity wear. I suspect that some people may think you are pregnant just because the Bean is at that age where people assume you will try for another. Furthermore, if Nicole R can look pregnant then we all must have maternity stomach days eh? As for your lost baby, I am afraid that grief will jump up and smack you in the nose when you least expect it, for as long as it takes to stop happening... ((((M@L))))

Posted 31 July 2007 06:21

Mother at Large said:

Hi Erica, I just enjoyed being needed by someone so much in those baby days. But it is much more fun these days now she's more independent.

Hi Omega Mum, the bad part is that I honestly believe this lady was trying to do the right thing, and be helpful! She doesn't have children herself and I think it was a case of misunderstanding rather than anything worse.... Things seem brighter for this new (and sunny!) day.

Hi DJ, you know, I've been thinking that about this year's fashions for a while, but you're the first person I've heard say it. My husband said the same as you about the age/stage thing. Don't want to be cheesy, but thanks for helping me understand what's happening.

Posted 31 July 2007 10:22

VT said:

Hi M@L, here's the view from the other end of the scale. I longed for people to notice that I was pregnant but nobody did until the last couple of months. After my daughter was born, the excess weight fell off so quickly that I was unable to breastfeed for as long as I had hoped - I couldn't keep up with her growing demand. Now, running around after a busy toddler, I am lighter than I have ever been. Even my GP called me a "skinny malink". And believe me it's not for lack of eating, I love my food! We're never happy with our lot, are we? Here's hoping you get to wear all those clothes again in the not too distant future.

Posted 31 July 2007 13:36