Despatches from a mother who started late (and is running to catch up)

Waiting till you're older...

Sometimes people assume the fact I became a mum only at 38 is part of some grand master plan to dominate the universe through the cardinal female sin of 'having it all'. For those unfamiliar with 'having it all', this is the mistaken feminine belief that it's possible to have:

a) an interesting, fulfilling and possibly also even well-paid career

and

b) children.

Anyone who's taken a recent look at the job ads for high-status part-time jobs - no, before you ask, there aren't any - can tell you 'having it all' is a myth.

The truth is that I didn't feel I had any choice in waiting until I was slightly older because the right relationship didn't fall into place until I was in my mid-thirties. And of course, like all the annoying predictions said, it happened when I least expected. Early one morning, standing in the BA check-in queue for short-haul European flights at Gatwick - an exchange of longer-than-necessary looks with a young man ahead of me. I remember thinking, "My God, he's tall." Eighteen months later we were married.

Not everyone believes a stable partnership is necessary to bring up children and I have huge respect and admiration for everyone who brings up children on their own. They should get medals for all their work, not a drubbing in the tabloid press. But now we've actually got the Bean and I know how demanding being a mother can be (yes, also delightful, joyful and life-affirming) I'm even more convinced that I wouldn't want to be doing this alone. So although I'd have loved to get started on having a family earlier, I had to wait for that meeting at the BA departure gate. After all, this is for long-haul passengers only.

Posted 12 August 2007 12:41

Older mother Daughter Holidays Husband

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