PostingObsessed

The night after Kate and Gerry McCann were named as suspects in the disappearance of their own child, I dreamt my duvet had turned into a rippling black cloud that was engulfing me in a sea of darkness. I woke up dripping with sweat to hear Beanie next door screaming, and clambered out of bed, pushing away the darkness.

No news story has ever affected me like this before, except maybe the Soham murders. I've become obsessed with this latest twist in the case of a little girl who went missing in mysterious circumstances in Portugal five months ago. Obsessed to the point where I can hardly talk of anything else. To the point where when I wake up it's the first thing I think about.

Since the story broke in May, it's felt like a part of me, of who I am as a parent. I've based so much of my behaviour since the little girl went missing on the assumption she was abducted from their ground-floor Portuguese holiday apartment.

I've hassled Beanie's nursery to tighten security, refused to leave her with anyone except close family and a handful of trusted friends and planned our holiday around being with her all the time. Beanie, like Madeleine, is pretty and blonde; just a couple of years younger than the missing girl. But so many of us parents, if not all of us, identified with the McCanns, with the unspeakable calamity that seemed to have befallen them.

The Madeleine story appeared to embody every parent's worst fears. The stuff of myth and monsters. Now it seems the real truth might be darker still. I hope not. But I get a bad feeling it might be.

Posted 09 September 2007 11:40

Childcare News Safety

Comments

beta mum said:

In cases like this the parents are always primary suspects, and once they're eliminated the police move on to other avenues.

There've been so many tearful TV appeals (more often about spouses or partners) by people who turn out to have been responsible for the deaths of their loved ones.

What's odd is that the Portuguese police didn't investigate the parents at the start - it seems so incompetent of them.

Whatever happened to Madeleine, it's dreadful for her and her parents.

Posted 09 September 2007 11:58

Erica said:

Regardless of what may have happened I hope that she is somewhere safe and well, however I fear that may not be the case.

Posted 09 September 2007 15:19

Mother at Large said:

Beta Mum, how true, whatever happened it's dreadful for them. Who knows what the truth is.....



Erica, me too. Poor wee girl.

Posted 09 September 2007 15:48

IngeniousRose said:

No NO No! The real truth will not be darker. The parents are completely innocent and this is a complete stitch-up. We have no firm facts and everything is based on wild speculation which is extremely unhelpful. And no one knows how they will react to their abduction of their child so we do not know what behaviour is fake or not.

However I am relieved to know that I am not the only person obsessed with this case. I too am finding myself thinking of it constantly. I think that has something to do with being the parent of a blond haired blue eyed 4 year old. At the end of the day the police and public need to look for Madeleine who is still missing, and remember that there are also 2 twins who need their parents.

Posted 09 September 2007 16:27

Vicky said:

Funnily enough I just wrote a post about the McCanns and then came across yours! I must be obsessed too.



The story hits such a nerve because most parents can relate to it. We all hear horror stories and hope it will never happen to us. However, I do think there is too much fear mongering and I try my best to give my kids a fair amount of freedom.

Posted 09 September 2007 18:52

debio said:

Despite the lack of 'public' information, I think it is apparent that the Portuguese police have been pursuing this case as if the country were a banana republic.



It is politic and convenient to turn on the McCanns as who knows how this publicity is upsetting their tourist trade?



So, they have their way - the McCanns have left and the case will probably never be solved - all swept under the carpet in true Catholic style.



With apologies for being so forthright but I have lived and breathed this since May and I am aghast and bewildered at the latest turn of events. Madeleine is every mums' daughter - if that is not too trite - and, if I feel distraught, the state the McCanns are in is unimagineable.

Posted 09 September 2007 19:05

Elsie Button said:

I can't stop thinking about it either and this latest twist has left me feeling totally baffled/worried/sick. I am sure the parents have nothing to do with it, but there is always that tiny little bit of doubt in the back of my mind, which doesn't bear thinking about.

Posted 09 September 2007 19:54

Mother at Large said:

Rose, I hope you're right. Horrible though it is, the Portuguese police must have had their reasons for naming them as suspects.



Vicky, it does seem relevant to all of us with small children. Agreed about the importance of freedom. Heading over to read your posting!





Debio, it's the stuff of every parent's worst nightmares - come to life. Like other people who've commented here and elsewhere, I can't get it out of my head.



Elsie Button, that's another nasty side. There's a danger their names will always be tarnished, unless the real culprits are found and charged.

Posted 09 September 2007 20:05

selfemployedmum said:

Wouldn't it be terrible to think they may have harmed her and then tried to cover it up. I hope not. But I have always found the lack of emotion from the mother a bit strange and even stranger after Madeleine goes missing they still left the twins in a creche, I would not have left my children with anyone. Lets think, how many parents would have left their children alone in the first place? not for the fact they may have been abducted but what if there had been a fire? So many unanswered questions.

Posted 09 September 2007 20:49

Mother at Large said:

Self-employed Mum, yes, lots of unanswered questions. And destined to remain so, I fear.

Posted 09 September 2007 21:58

IngeniousRose said:

The McCanns need to be left alone and not debated on internet sites, unhelpful comments only make their situation worse. Sorry to sound harsh but I'm sick of all this, leave them alone.

Posted 09 September 2007 23:24

Erica said:

I respect your thoughts on this ingenious rose, however, we should remember that the McCanns have pushed this case into the media spotlight and that is why everyone is talking about it, the fact that there has been this unusual (unfortunate?) twist in this case has naturally caused further debate.



Are we debating the McCanns or the issues surrounding the case? As parents is it not natural to question some of the surrounding issues, ie would we leave our children unattended etc etc..



After all this is a parenting blog and MaL regularly takes topical news and presents it with her own views, I don't believe this is at all out of context from her usual style and therefore very much relevant.



Finally, we should keep in mind that everyone is innocent until proven guilty but the fact that they are formal suspects will obviously raise doubt and suspicion amongst some.

Posted 09 September 2007 23:52

Mother at Large said:

Ingenious Rose, I respect what you say, but still believe it's valid to discuss how the story's affecting our own lives as parents and our own decisions about parenting, such as how to arrange holidays, whether to leave children unattended, as Erica says. The story's become a part of the public psyche and raises issues that need debate. I, for one, wouldn't have been as paranoid this summer, were it not for poor little Madeleine McCann's face everywhere. If what some stories are suggesting is correct, I'll feel personally duped. As other people have said, let's hope they're wrong.



Erica, helpful distinction between the people involved and the issues raised. Whichever way you look at it, this is an upsetting story. When I sat down to write a posting this morning, I felt I had no choice but to write about the McCanns; they've been on my mind all weekend.

Posted 10 September 2007 00:52

IngeniousRose said:

Erica, MaL, yes I agree that there are parenting issues that need to be debated and this is a good thing. I'm just not comfortable with the amount of people out there (not on this site but on others) who are personally attacking the McCanns, and sections of the media who are 'fuelling the fire' with innaccurate facts about the case.



However I think my main problem is that I am particularly sensitive to parents being criticised (again not on this site) as I once face alot of critism which was unfounded and was the victim of gossip so I know the devastatng effects it can have on families.

Posted 10 September 2007 03:48

Erica said:

You're quite right IR that we should remember to debate the facts and try not to speculate or 'gossip', it's unfortunate this latest move in the case edges you towards discussing other even more troubling and uncomfortable scenarios.



Having said that I can see why you believe this may be a 'stitch up' I have been pondering that scenario myself recently. I don't understand why you need to make a bargaining offer when you apparently have evidence that someone is guilty, that strikes me as being a bit desperate.

Posted 10 September 2007 08:20

Vanessa said:

I've tried really hard not to judge the McCanns on this latest turn of events as there has been little or no actual evidence presented regarding their guilt, just a lot of inferences made based on them being made suspects which I believe may have been done so that they could remain silent and have legal representation during interviews. If one is being harangued by th police about something of which you are innocent then I can imagine that simply staying silent might be the best option. It should be noted however that no evidence has ever been presented that Maddie was actually abducted.

However, I have found it really hard not to be critical of the McCanns over the summer although that has been based on their proven poor judgement - surely no-one who leaves three children under four alone at night whilst they go out for dinner expects not to be criticised for that? And as someone else said, if you'd had one child abducted would you still be leaving your younger children in a creche every day? To me, that doesn't show a whole lot of concern for the twins' feelings about their missing sister.

I really hope that Madeleine is found and that her parents are completely exonerated but I think their behaviour was unacceptable and as far as I can remember they've never actually acknowledged that, just justified it.

Posted 10 September 2007 08:27

Flowerpot said:

I think the media portrayal of this whole saga has meant that most people are intrigued/fascinated/horrified by the whole story. And this latest twist brings a much darker side to the whole tale. Let's hope for the best. If I was a mum I know I'd be completely paranoid.

Posted 10 September 2007 09:36

orchidea said:

But I have always found the lack of emotion from the mother a bit strange...



Self employed mum - have you considered that the mother was/is probably numb with shock and taking sedatives to enable her to function even semi-normally? Entirely unrelated I know, but when my newborn son was fighting for his life in the neonatal unit, I was on autopilot and would have come over to the uninitiated as quite "detached". There is so much grief a soul can take before it resorts to a sort of emotional shutdown in self-protection.

Posted 10 September 2007 10:35

DJ Kirkby said:

The first thing I thought when her parents were suddenly named as suspects was, 'oh please, I would rather a stranger had done something horrible to her than her own parents!' Please dont let it be her parents, that poor little girl. Even better let her be alive and safe and somehow coping without her parents love.

Posted 10 September 2007 11:01

Mother at Large said:

Ingenious Rose, one of the problems with this case seems to be the lack of facts - save for the central one of a little girl gone missing.



Erica, will we ever know what really happened on the night of May 3?



Vanessa, I can't speak for the McCanns, but I can say that I would never feel comfortable leaving my daughter alone in those circumstances. And have never done so, nor would do. Especially now.

Posted 10 September 2007 12:50

Mother at Large said:

Flowerpot, looks like something dreadful has happened, thought we may never know exactly what.

Posted 10 September 2007 12:52

Mother at Large said:

Orchidea, people do shut down in reaction to terrible events.



DJ, this twist is somehow worse than the faceless strangers/mysterious abduction line.

Posted 10 September 2007 12:55

mide-lifer said:

I don't know what to think about this. Like all of you the whole series of events haunts me, but the media circus has also irritated me, despite the fact that I'd like to know what happened.



I just hope that some definite news comes out soon and I hope that finds Madeleine alive.

Posted 10 September 2007 16:45

Mother at Large said:

Mid-Lifer, same here.

Posted 10 September 2007 16:51

Omega Mum said:

I think the comments show just what this whole business exposes - which is our own insecurity about parenting and our shock when there's the danger of our expectations and ideals being shaken to their core. People parent badly. Even middle class professionals parent badly. And that's what we're all finding so shocking. Debate is good - as long as we understand what is driving the debate.

Posted 10 September 2007 22:12

Mother at Large said:

Omega Mum, thank you for explaining this to me. As you perceptively point out, many of us do seem to see ourselves mirrored in the McCanns; that's why I personally find this so shocking. I could imagine meeting Kate McCann at an NCT tea party, her being part of the same world I inhabit. Seeing their world collapse on them has made me feel rather shaky. But I feel better now you've analysed this so well!

Posted 10 September 2007 22:32

selfemployedmum said:

Orchidea - perhaps you're right, there is only so much emotion a body can take. I'm sure they will never forgive themselves for leaving 3 children alone that night, I just wonder how many nights had they done it or how many nights they were planning to do it. I pray Madeleine is found save. As for the latest developments, the possibility of DNA in the car, with the amount of media attention there is no way the McCanns could have hidden her body and then moved it once they had hired the car 25 days later, somebody would have seen something surely.

Posted 11 September 2007 11:21

Mother at Large said:

Self-employed Mum, thanks.

Posted 11 September 2007 12:07

Post a comment

Enter your comment here.

You can use some html tags such as <b> and <i>.

Word verification

Name

Email (will not be made public)

Website (optional)

Remember me