Despatches from a mother who started late (and is running to catch up)

Blog to Book - Fashionably Late

I am writing Fashionably Late, an irreverent guide to having children later in life. Did you become a mother over 35? If so, and you'd like to tell me your story please contact me at mail@motheratlarge.com.

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Attachment parenting: a sticky business

We are having phone trouble. It's none of the usual suspects. I'm afraid I blame a pair of well-meaning New Age parenting gurus for the problem.

A while ago I bought a book on babies by a California paediatrician and his wife. They've got eight children themselves. I reckoned they must know what they're talking about. They looked like nice people on the cover shot. Their philosophy is called 'attachment parenting'. Heard of it? Hugely popular in the US, less so in the UK.

Amongst other things, 'attachment parenting' involves: breastfeeding on demand, 'co-sleeping' with your infant, avoiding mechanical devices such as prams, rockers or bouncy chairs, 'wearing' your baby in a sling and, of course, natural birth. Being a bit of an old hippie at heart myself, I loved these ideas. I just couldn't quite translate them all into reality.

The authors never argue, but offer 'loving reminders' to each other. They write wistfully about a custom in Rwanda of not letting the baby touch the ground for the first six months of their life. Instead the local women carry their babies with them at all times, wrapped up in a cunning arrangement of knotted fabric. These women are so close to their babies they don't use nappies. They can just sense when the child needs to go.

The writers suggest that if a mother can't breastfeed, the baby's grandmother might consider re-lactating. Breastfeeding's so important, you see. I've mentioned this a couple of times to Granny, never with much success. She tends to clutch at her bosom and look affronted.

I did my best to follow their advice, and managed some of it. Beanie went in a sling, but I couldn't carry her for long without hurting my back. I breastfed. The one area where I followed their advice to the letter was their advice to invest in a cordless phone. To prevent accidents. Apparently a little-known danger to toddlers is mum wandering off to answer the phone. Or so they say.

When Beanie was born, Va-vay dutifully went off to buy cordless phones - after a 'loving reminder' from me. Eighteen months later, we spend half our lives hunting for the wretched things that Beanie has reallocated somewhere - pillow, toy basket, knitting box, or the rubbish bin. Even if we phone ourselves to find out where they are, they won't necessarily ring. No juice left. Mobiles aren't so reliable either these days. Beanie's fond of sucking on them. Helps her teeth.

Last week I gave Va-vay another 'loving reminder'. To buy us a conventional, corded phone.

Posted 31 October 2007 22:09

Breastfeeding Childcare Daughter Domestic chaos Husband Parenting gurus Toys

Comments

iota said:

I spot a business opportunity here. If wearing your baby is so highly recommended, why can't mums wear their phones? I could design a range of phone slings. The brand name Baby Bell springs to mind. There could be the ones in city black or cappuccino tones, all plastic snappers and zips, for the mum about town. For the earth mother end of the market, they could be all knots and fabric straps, in stripy organic hessian.

The mum would never misplace her phone, and the phone would feel secure, accepted, safe. The phone sling provides a closeness in which mum and phone can bond, and the phone is naturally included in the mum's daily activities.

M@L, I've solved your immediate problem, and given you an idea for a small business to set up, once you've finished your book.

Posted 01 November 2007 03:20

DJ Kirkby said:

Iota lol! M@L this was a brilliantly written, gently sarcastic, blatently hilarious post. I laughed all the way through and did find myself muttering in agreement with several techniques. A couple of which I couldn't possibly name on the grounds that it may incrimnate me on a professional basis...

Posted 01 November 2007 06:13

Helen said:

Iota, you are hilarious. And you've sold me on the Baby Bell idea.

DJ, awww, shucks. Does anyone manage attachment parenting?!

Posted 01 November 2007 11:59

beta mum said:

Cordless phone is essential - not for safety reasons, but so you can chat while endlessly breastfeeding your way through those early months.

I often found I was walking around with a baby in one arm, clamped onto a breast, and a phone under the other shoulder.

Posted 01 November 2007 14:07

Helen said:

Beta Mum, you must have been an advanced breastfeeder! I was too incompetent to manage phone and feeding at once, well, not in the early days.

Posted 01 November 2007 14:39

mid-lifer said:

When I breastfed I was stuck on the sofa/bed with a huge cushion. I admired those women who could actually get up and answer the door baby still latched on. As for the phone - I let the answer machine answer it - more often than not this was a good call as it would be my mum who is known to chunter on - despite loving reminders.

I loved this post M@L

Posted 01 November 2007 17:28

Helen said:

Mid-lifer, sometimes a loving reminder has to be, well, very loving indeed.

Posted 01 November 2007 22:00

Guineapigmum said:

OMG, Grandmothers relactating! I might not be a Grandmother but the thought of starting again... and for someone else's baby... Well, let's just not go there. Although I did enjoy breastfeeding in a lot of ways, she says hastily.

Posted 02 November 2007 09:21

zornhau said:

"They write wistfully about a custom in Rwanda of not letting the baby touch the ground for the first six months of their life."

Yeah. Rwanda. The loving, non-violent nature of its adults certainly validates its child rearing methods. Why stop there? Perhaps the Balkans have wisdom to offer us.

Posted 03 November 2007 23:48

Helen said:

Zornhau, yes, yes, but they probably save a fortune on nappies.

Posted 04 November 2007 00:21

Mother at Large

Welcome to this site. It's based on my personal experiences of becoming a mother a little later in life. If, like me, you waited a while to have children you're in good company. More and more of us are waiting until our late 30s or even 40s to become parents. Some might even say we're fashionably late.

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About me

Mother at Large dreams of crossing the Pyrenees with her young daughter. For now, getting to playgroup takes all her energy. To find out more read her full profile.