PostingBBC Three Counties Radio

For anyone interested, I'm on BBC Three Counties Radio tomorrow at 10.15am to discuss whether anybody would be mad to start a family in their twenties these days. As I was saying to the producer, I never planned to have children a bit later in life. In all honesty, I would liked to settle down sooner than my late thirties. But my taste in men ran more to the Daniel Cleavers of this world than good old Mark Darcy. And so I remained single.

Also, frankly, I blame my husband Va-vay (definitely not a Daniel Cleaver type). There he was, living not a million miles away from me in London, both of us working in similar organisations, both of us loving word games, nonsense and hill walking, perfect for each other. But it took us until we were in our mid-thirties to bump into each other at an airport and fall in love. Most inefficient of him.

I love being an older mum, mainly because I'm very grateful it's happened after all this time. But the truth is that being pregnant, working and looking after our beloved Beanie is knackering, and I do wonder if it would be the same for a younger woman. I trudged home at lunchtime today with the shopping for our tea, hardly able to put one foot in front of the other. I didn't even dare buy more than a pint of milk, for fear I wouldn't be able to carry a two-pint bottle all the way home. I was so out of breath with lugging the shopping upstairs to our flat I had to sit down and have a glass of water. Please don't get me wrong, I know it's a blessing to be pregnant. But is it this hard being pregnant when you're in your twenties? Or do you have more stamina and energy then?

Posted 17 March 2008 14:54

Fashionably Late - the book Older mother

Comments

Rosie said:

What an interesting post MaL. Very thought-provoking. My mother's generation seemed to have their children in their early 20s, I had my first child at 30 and many people are now having their children later. There seem to be pros and cons in each case.



For example at 30 my mother could have started on a career path if she had wanted to. Having children later in life often means that you can have a career first (and return to it later if you choose to.) As I'm in the middle of the two (about to turn 35) I feel I've left it too late to start off on the career path and I'm returning to the workforce with limited experience and limited options (it seems). By the time I am in a position to work full-time I'll be over 40!



But as for the stamina/exhaustion side of things I'm still exhausted and my mother/Granny says she is exhausted too! I suspect that biology says younger is better for having children, but I certainly would not have been prepared for it mentally at 23.

Posted 17 March 2008 15:07

Helen said:

Oh, Rosie, I'm finding it's difficult to return to a career after having a child. I'd have to go in at a much more junior level than before, unless I bite the bullet and go full-time, which I don't want to do while Beanie is so young.



Lack of flexible working arrangements and affordable childcare make it difficult for all of us to combine work and family. I wish I could see things changing for the next generation, but UK working practices are so Dark Ages. It's so all or nothing with work and no wonder men get all the best jobs. I'm fed up with it.

Posted 17 March 2008 15:36

potty mummy said:

A post on how you met Va-Vay (if you haven't already)? Please?

Posted 17 March 2008 22:10

DJ Kirkby said:

I have no idea if it is easier to be pregnant in your 20's. I guess they would have more energy but pregnancy is tiring for everyone, it is hard work and the thing is, we expect too much out of ourselves nowadays. We are rushing around, heavily pregnant, when we should be simply gestating...

Posted 18 March 2008 06:48

Helen said:

Hi Potty Mummy, have touched on it on other postings, but perhaps this deserves re-visiting.



Oh, DJ, you are so right. But I don't rush anywhere anymore, honestly. The spirit might be willing, but the flesh and all that...

Posted 18 March 2008 09:47

Louise said:

I'm a mum in her mid to late twenties ~(26 when I had my daughter although only a week off 27!!). Tonight (8.45pm) is the fist time that I have sat down since 8.50am this morning!! Every single job today has been about looking after my daughter and I haven't even touched the ironing or laundry basket!

Before being a mum, I was a teacher who worked long hours (arrive at school at 7.30am and not leave before 6.30am every night) but I can honestly say that I am more exhausted now than I have ever been! When I was pregnant, I was prepared for the sleepless nights and feeding routines but it is the little things that make it so busy such as hoovering the carpet after they have splashed their vegetable risotto all over the carpet or having to take them for a midday bath after an over-enthusiastic painting session! I'm not sure age makes a difference - motherhood is exhausting (worth every second but still exhausting!!)

Posted 18 March 2008 21:00

Helen said:

Ah, now that is interesting, Louise, and makes me feel less geriatric by far! Thank you for this comment. I too spend many hours hoovering up fragments of rice cake and bread sticks. As soon as I've got the place clean, the whole rigmarole starts again.

Posted 18 March 2008 21:08

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