Despatches from a mother who started late (and is running to catch up)

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In the end, it was my two-year-old daughter who best summed up this week's crisis at my publisher. "Book!" cried Beanie, clasping a copy of Catherine Rayner's Augustus and His Smile in her hand and advancing towards me, waving the desired item in the air. "Book!" she cried again, hoping I would read the story of Augustus' search for his missing smile to her. "Book! Book! Book!" Poor Beanie. Her father Va-vay and I were both too preoccupied to read to her. "Book!" she insisted. "No, Beanie, darling, not right now," I said. "Mummy and daddy are worried about something. We'll do the book later." I sighed. I put my head in my hands. Even Va-vay sighed. Va-vay never normally sighs. Self-pity, not his thing. He turned to me. "She's right, isn't she. Beanie's right. That's what all this is about. A book." He means my book. Not the one about Augustus, lovely though he is. A few days ago I discovered that my publisher has officially gone bust, owing hundreds of thousands to all sorts of people. This is potentially a disaster for me, as it leaves me with a half-finished book (on later motherhood) and no-one to publish it. Three months before I'm due to have a baby. I keep waking at 4am in panic, unable to get back to sleep for worrying about how to recoup the time I've invested in writing. Thinking about the money I could have earnt if I hadn't been working on Fashionably Late. Embarrassed about all the women I've interviewed, women who have been so generous in sharing their stories and time with me, recounting deeply personal experiences of relationships, pregnancy and childbirth. They're expecting to see a book result from it all and I'm afraid I'm going to let them down. And when the 4am demons strike, I'm also mortified that the entire episode reflects badly on me and my judgement. The only glimmer of hope is that I've been assured that another publisher wants to buy my book. And is in the process of issuing a contract. Mean time, let's just say, Augustus isn't the only one round here who's lost his smile.

Posted 03 April 2008 21:40

Angst Books Fashionably Late - the book

Comments

bushra said:

i hope the new publisher works out for you, it would be a shame for all that hard work go to waste. try and stay optimistic!

Posted 04 April 2008 11:30

Vanessa said:

But Augustus finds his smile again and you will find a new and better publisher.

Posted 04 April 2008 12:14

potty mummy said:

Thinking of you Helen - and am sure you will find another publisher pdq...(just tell them about all your blog readers waiting to buy it. That alone will probably push it into the best seller lists...)

Posted 04 April 2008 13:20

Joyfulgirl said:

How horrible for anyone to be going through this stress - but especially when pregnant. And time is so precious with our little ones that if we are sending them off to a creche we want to feel we are doing something worthwhile and productive with that time when they are gone ... or at least earning some money! With all the publicity this blog has received and with all its readers I really do think (and hope) you will have a good chance of a new deal with a new publisher. I think the publishing of this book with its positive view of later motherhood would be an extremely important contribution too. Fingers crossed for you.

Posted 04 April 2008 13:33

iota said:

How horrid for you, and how stressful. I do hope another publisher has the sense to pick up the project.

I don't think it reflects badly on you and your judgment. You've been let down, that's all. You couldn't have foreseen this.

Posted 04 April 2008 13:42

Rob Clack said:

Chin up, girl. It's not your fault your publisher went bust, even if the 4am demons tell you otherwise.

Even so, I don't envy you. Hope you do sell it to the other publisher.

Posted 04 April 2008 13:49

Danny Rhodes said:

Helen,

Absolutely, categorically, nothing that has happened reflects poorly on you or your judgement. None of us could have foreseen these events and if you have a new publisher, none of the time you've spent has been wasted. Even if that doesn't work out there are plenty of other publishers worth taking a shot at...

Posted 04 April 2008 13:50

Zornhau said:

Lucky escape!

Had they published you then gone bust...

Doesn't bear thinking about.

Posted 04 April 2008 18:20

Helen said:

Bushra, reading your comment cheered me up. Thank you. Good of you.

Potty Mummy, am grateful for everyone's interest in the site, including yours, but fear that might not be enough to propel FL onto the bestseller lists.

Vanessa, children's books have replaced self-help manuals to help me navigate life's difficulties. I draw comfort from books like Sharing a Shell, Kipper, even Percy the Park Keeper. Is that a bad sign?

Joyfulgirl, you've put your finger on exactly what makes me feel REALLY bad. That I gave up two days a week with Beanie, and Va-vay paid out for nursery fees for her.

Oh Iota, the benefits of hindsight. I can't help feeling a bit of an idiot, but, rationally, I know you're right.

Hi Rob, nice to read your comment, thank you. Will try and keep my pecker up.

Hi Danny, I know you're probably right. But you know how insecure this writing business can make you. I didn't have much confidence to start with, and the little I have has taken a battering.

Zornhau, well, I've read postings elsewhere from many people in just that situation you describe and they don't make for pleasant reading.

Posted 04 April 2008 18:36

Zornhau said:

"what makes me feel REALLY bad. That I gave up two days a week with Beanie, and Va-vay paid out for nursery fees for her."

Much of the significance of writing a first book of any kind, is learning how to do it. So even if the book doesn't sell, the time was still worth it. 5 books down the line, it'll seem irrelevant.

Posted 04 April 2008 21:50

Danny Rhodes said:

Helen, think about it. This shouldn't affect your confidence as a writer one bit. Firstly, TFP took your book on. Okay, it didn't work out but they didn't reject your book did they? No, they accepted it. Secondly, if Harper Collins choose not to run with it there are a million factors as to why and only one of those might be the book itself. Thirdly, you have been given an assurance that someone else is interested, so if this works out all of your confidence will grow back...as if by magic!

Posted 04 April 2008 21:55

Rosie said:

So sorry to hear about this Helen. Please don't despair. I'm sure there will be other publishers interested. You never know, there may be a bidding war! Chin up!

Posted 05 April 2008 03:54

Helen said:

Zornhau, yes, well, it's hard to see part getting this book finished and published - but that's an encouraging thought.

Danny, bad patches never last forever, do they. And then you get your equilibrium back. Sorry, I know a lot of TFP authors/creditors in worse state than me.

Rosie, thanks, nice of you, but I don't know about a bidding war. If I get the book published that'll be enough for me!

Posted 05 April 2008 09:10

Vanessa said:

"Vanessa, children's books have replaced self-help manuals to help me navigate life's difficulties. I draw comfort from books like Sharing a Shell, Kipper, even Percy the Park Keeper. Is that a bad sign?"

Absolutely not Helen. When faced with a problem or a dilemma I always ask myself: "what would Kipper do?"

Posted 05 April 2008 11:40

Helen said:

Oh, Vanessa, Kipper has his head screwed on pretty firmly. Pig and Arnold seem to have the right idea too. As for their mate Tiger, well, that's another matter. But I can't help being fond of Tiger. You've got to admire his panache.

Posted 05 April 2008 13:56

iota said:

Ah, but for plain old-fashioned common sense, you can't beat Wendy (of Bob the Builder). I'm sure she'd have some comforting advice for you.

If Beanie has been enjoying her 2 days a week at nursery, it may well have been the perfect balance for her anyway, with 5 days at home. Plenty of people choose to pay for a bit of out-of-home care for their toddler, just for an introduction to other children and the wider world, even if working doesn't necessitate it.

Posted 05 April 2008 14:43

Lindsay said:

Really hope that things work out and your offer with another publisher comes through for you. Wishing you all the best.

Posted 05 April 2008 18:50

Helen said:

Dear Iota, we've not (yet) met Wendy, being die-hard Night Garden fans, but she sounds like a good person and reassuring in a crisis. About nursery, you're absolutely right, Beanie loves her days there and it makes the time we do have together all the more fun.

Lindsay, thank you for your kind words. Will keep you all posted.

Posted 05 April 2008 23:26

DJ Kirkby said:

Of course another publisher wants your book! I suspect you could hold an auction to get publishers to bid for the privlidge of being able to offer you a contract for your book! Now hold your head up and smile!

Posted 07 April 2008 09:53

Helen said:

Awww, shucks, DJ.

Posted 07 April 2008 10:04

Louise said:

Sorry to hear about your publisher troubles. If your book is half as good as your blog (which I'm sure it is), I'm sure another publisher will be more than delighted to offer you a contract.

Posted 07 April 2008 15:07

guineapigmum said:

Oh Helen, I'm sorry to read this news. But I have to agree with the other posters - your time spent on the book is surely not time wasted but good fodder and experience for the next five books.

And I'm quite sure Beanie has enjoyed her time at nursery playing with friends. Mine would have thought me a totally irresponsible mother if I'd stopped them going to the childminder!

And of course there'll be another publisher just round the corner.

I know everything always seems bad in the sleepless small hours but have no doubt it will all work out fine in the end!

Posted 07 April 2008 16:02

Helen said:

Oh, Louise, you are kind to say that. Thank you.

Hi Guineapigmum, Va-vay suggests I write a book about, guess what, writing a book. But I don't think I could face it!

Posted 07 April 2008 17:02

21st Century Mummy said:

Hi Helen - Good luck in finding a new publisher soon - I know you'll get there and as soon as you do, I'll be writing my review. In the meantime, just breathe deeply and relax ;-D

Posted 11 April 2008 20:10