PostingProtest march

I've always been a literal-minded sort of person.

So when the Bean began screaming in protest today as I strapped her into her summer chariot it was something of a double whammy.

Firstly, though I suppose I would say this, her hysterical anger seemed a tad out of proportion to my crime. You know, maybe a little OTT when I was only trying to take her home for her tea.

My only response to her fury was to adopt my automaton air hostess voice. Something along these lines: "Will passenger Bean please remain calm, return to her seat, stow her seat table away and fasten her seat belt."

They'd have had her up for air rage on any flight. She countered by rearing up out of the buggy, a full two feet of small girl held rigid with the force of her rage.

I looked round furtively, afraid lest someone might hasten to the Bean's aid and call social services.

As if that wasn't bad enough, I'm doubly dismayed because the Bean is only 14 months old, a stage I thought was still meant to involve cherubic innocence. Too early for pram strikes, sit-ins (well, stand-ups, in this case) and unpredictable boycotts. And if this is the warm-up, what's the main event going to be like?

So it seems I was too literal when I thought the terrible twos were exactly that, an affliction that began on second birthdays and ended on the third. I never reckoned on this stuff beginning a full ten months before she turned two.

I blame nursery. She must have got together with the other babies. They've been giving each other ideas as they hang out, drinking Babycinos, doing their chalk drawings.

Yes, they've clearly been talking to the union, finding out their rights, ganging up on their poor, frightened bourgeois parents. Mark my words, one day it's pram strike, the next they'll be toddling through Paris to overthrow the reactionary 'system'.

Where will it all end?

Posted 25 June 2007 23:43

Daughter Dilemmas Out and about

Comments

DJ Kirkby said:
Where will it all end?

Well when she has children of her own of course...

Posted 26 June 2007 07:26

Elsie Button said:
it never ends

i don't think it ever ends. my friend's baby is still going through the 'terrible twos' phase and she is 9. a monster of a child. Betty is only 7 months but has her moments, already. what have we done? i think you are right about babies conspiring at nursery - we don't give them enough credit. I took Betty to see my GP when she was 4 weeks old and the doctor said that the look on Betty's face looked like she was planning world domination (and she probably was)

Posted 26 June 2007 09:49

Mother at Large said:
Evil master plan

Hi DJ, I'm looking forwards to that already. Hi Elsie Button, we mustn't let the babies get together. Goodness knows what havoc they'd wreak if they teamed up for the world domination lark.

Posted 26 June 2007 11:06

BaffledDad said:
Subversion

The worst of it is that the Paris Toddle will be organised through a website called BabyAtLarge.com, set up in direct defiance of MotherAtLarge.com. A key aim of this site is to publish subversive chalk drawings...

Posted 26 June 2007 12:37

Mother at Large said:
Preschool bloggers

Help! Someone better claim the babyatlarge url now - get in quick before their web design for pre-schoolers begins

Posted 26 June 2007 13:10

Drunk Mummy said:
Baby Conspiracy Theory

I agree about the babies conspiring together. When mine were little, they used to operate a 'tag team' system like wrestlers, whereby one would be whiny and unreasonably demanding until they got tired, then hand over to the other in order to rest and recuperate ready for their next bout in the ring with me. I could usually go about six rounds on my own before throwing in the towel.

Posted 26 June 2007 14:05

Mother at Large said:
Fiendishly cunning

Thanks for the tip, Drunk Mummy. It's true. One can't be fooled by their sweet and innocent faces for a moment.

Posted 26 June 2007 14:49

iota said:
Straps

Funny how the buggy manufacturers persist in describing the straps as some kind of safety feature, and even dream up some BS safety standard number to add to the subterfuge. We all know the straps are there to keep the two-foot-high-standing-up-rigid-with-rage union member firmly in the vehicle until released. We may be out-paced by the babes on many fronts, but we still have the upper hand when it comes to those plastic snaps.

Posted 26 June 2007 16:32

Mother at Large said:
Straps

Hi Iota, Hah! That must be it. The manufacturers are actually talking about "parental safety" in relation to those straps - not the baby's safety. So all that buckle flim-flammery is really there for parental protection from irate infants... That makes better sense.

Posted 26 June 2007 16:55

beta mum said:
shift system

I swear my two - when one was two and the other a mere babe in arms - decided in advance who would sleep until 7am and who would wake at 4am, 5am and finally, 5.45am. That way one of them had always had enough sleep to wreak havoc during the day, while the other could concentrate on catching up on shut-eye.

Posted 26 June 2007 19:45

Omega Mum said:
Chants CD

Replace lullabies instantly with suitable union chants.

Posted 26 June 2007 22:25

Mother at Large said:
Citizen Bean

BM, if I manage to have another child I know what the future holds. OM, Good idea. Out goes Bobo the Monkey. In comes Karl Marx. Oh, suppose that's the same thing, really.

Posted 27 June 2007 11:30

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