PostingDoes age matter?

cevennes_hills.jpg Does age matter when it comes to making friends with other mums?

Does it make any difference if you're the oldest or youngest mum in the post-natal group?

Do people forget about age differences because they've got the - arguably stronger - common bond of looking after their new babies?

I'd count myself friends with other mums of various different ages - probably with a few more of them closer to my age.

I'd be interested to know about readers' experiences of whether age played a part in their post-natal support network.

As you might have guessed, I'm working on a section of Fashionably Late that requires some field research into what it's like for mums setting up social networks after they've had a baby. Any comments much appreciated and I would of course change people's names before putting anything into the book. As I've said before, two signed copies go to people whose comments are included.

Posted 30 October 2007 18:10

Fashionably Late - the book Friends Older mother

Comments

DJ Kirkby said:

I much preferred associating with mums closer to my own age when I socialised at all. It was difficult though as at the breastfeeding group it was mostly young mums and they avoided me on the whole as N3S was so agitated from birth and anyone talking to me made him worse and made conversation nigh on impossible at times! However, when I did get a chance to speak to others, I felt older mums could converse about similar topics like mutual dread of returning to our stressful careers etc. Young mums came accross as more carefree, less likely to work fulltime or if they did their jobs were not as stressful. Re-reading this makes me sound like a grumpy old bag but that is the truth from my own experience.

Posted 30 October 2007 19:58

Erica said:

I've been a good six to 16 years younger than all the other parents I've befriended (barring one close friend)I don't think it makes a difference when you have the common bond of new motherhood. Most of them can afford more expensive coffee than me as they are further on in their careers though :)

Posted 31 October 2007 11:21

Helen said:

DJ, interesting! And please stop this nonsense about sounding like 'an old bag'.



Erica, some older mums have even been known to pour the coffee over themselves on occasion! :)

Posted 31 October 2007 15:10

guineapigmum said:

I'm desperately trying to remember but I think I simply didn't mix much with new mums when my first was born. There were no groups that I found and I think it was really quite lonely, particularly as we'd moved to a new area. I think most of my contacts were people without children, or with older children, who were about my age. I carried on doing a lot of the stuff I had done before, just with a baby in tow - I remember dashing out of courses I was tutoring to breastfeed. Once the boys were established at a childminder in the village and the first one started nursery school I got to know more other mums and I'm still friendly with a lot of them as our children have gone through school together. They're mostly about 10 years younger than me but it doesn't seem to matter. However, I didn't ever mix much with the really young mothers simply because I don't think we found much in common. Perhaps it's the thing about having an established career which makes a difference? I do remember loathing with a passion the toddlers' group, partly because a lot of people smoked in the hall, even with the children running around. Thank goodness that doesn't happen any more! I did try to go along, as I thought I should, but couldn't hack it. The boys went with the childminder eventually.

Posted 31 October 2007 15:24

bushra said:

i'll come clean. i have absolutely no social network for support. i can go to my sisters but i learnt early on before my boy arrived that rather than suggest what i should do when facing different situations, they would tell me what to do. and that would make me feel more inadequate. so i've pretty much thrown myself into this parenting lark, trusting my own instincts and using what i have picked up from looking after younger siblings and oh so many nieces and nephews. and my boy is doing just fine too!

Posted 31 October 2007 18:18

orchidea said:

My post-natal support network was my fabulous sister-in-law, six years my senior, who took me into her home and her bed when I had mastitis and brought me my three week old baby girl to be fed every four hours. She is a gem.



Most of the mums I know I knew before they were mums and yes, we're of similar ages.

Posted 31 October 2007 18:53

Helen said:

GPM, hat off to you - dashing out of tutorials to breastfeed!



Bushra, how could you do better than rely on your own instincts? It's the best defence we any of us have, surely.

Posted 31 October 2007 19:37

Helen said:

Orchidea, she does sound a gem. I've never had mastitis but hear it can be agony.

Posted 31 October 2007 19:53

Erica said:

Hee hee, that's right, are we putting that down to old age :)

Posted 01 November 2007 09:24

Helen said:

Erica, old age is one excuse, anyway!

Posted 01 November 2007 11:54

Antique Mommy said:

Well, I'm 47 and my dearest friends are 33 and 73, with many others in between. I think it's good to have friends from all stages in life.

Posted 05 November 2007 18:28

Helen said:

Antique Mommy, lovely to see you on the site. Imagine having friends from all stages gives a broader perspective.

Posted 05 November 2007 21:43

Post a comment

Enter your comment here.

You can use some html tags such as <b> and <i>.

Word verification

Name

Email (will not be made public)

Website (optional)

Remember me