Despatches from a mother who started late (and is running to catch up)

See no weevil

Va-vay has replaced the hallogen bulbs in the kitchen. Following his discovery of an oven-cleaning implement (that looks like a Stanley knife), the last remains of blackened plum jam have disappeared from the new induction hob. Nightly, I get down on my hands and knees to wash and scrub the kitchen's wooden floor. I clean surfaces, sponge away dirt, wipe down the bin, sweep away crumbs, hoover up stray hairs and bin half-eaten and soggy rice cakes. As I do so, I wonder how dirt can regenerate so fast, whether any of the food I prepare ever actually goes in Beanie's stomach, and how it can be that so much hair remains attached to my head, when so much is in front of me on the floor.

On Saturday evening, Va-vay was looking for flour to make the white sauce for a mushroom and courgette pasta bake. He prised open the larder door, whose handle fell off some months ago, releasing an aroma of stale curry spices into the kitchen, fished around for a bag of flour, extracted it, opened it, looked inside, looked again and jumped back in horror. Weevils. Weevils have invaded our larder cupboard. They were eating their way through lentils, porridge oats, bread-making flour, plain flour, self-raising flour, rice, split peas, sunflower seeds, cardamon pods, turmeric, mild curry powder, nutmeg, polenta, rosemary, icing sugar, yeast and assorted Italian Herbs.

By the time Va-vay bagged up the weevil-infested comestibles, took them round to his favourite refuse bins ('I wanted to give them a decent send-off'), swabbed down the decks and got to the corner shop for more flour, we ate late on Saturday night.

The larder no longer smells of stale curry spices. Its corner of the kitchen has the antiseptic, fear-inducing smell of a hospital corridor. Its shelves are empty, save for a couple of jars of jam I bought on honeymoon more than two years ago, the instructions to the microwave and a tube of tomato puree. All of which we judged impregnable by weevil.

For any of you interested, I'm on BBC Radio Scotland's Book Cafe this lunchtime at about 1.15 - 1.30pm, taking part in a discussion about blogs-to-books. Other slated participants include Simon Trewin, the literary agent of Petite Anglaise, one of my favourite blogs. Technical know-how permitting, (and provided I don't come away sounding a complete fool) Va-vay is planning to download the discussion onto this site in the next couple of days. So keep an eye or ear out for that if you're interested in turning blogs into books.

Posted 19 November 2007 12:09

Daughter Domestic chaos Husband

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