PostingStitch in time

s273_Small.jpgI have started knitting again. I say 'again' deliberately. Maybe I should explain: when I was pregnant last year I started knitting a baby blanket and jacket. Then I miscarried at 11 weeks. And my knitting stopped. All I have to show for that pregnancy are some blanket squares. When I hold them to my face they smell of lavender after months at the back of a drawer. I still cry at the sight of them. An unfinished beginning that I haven't the heart to throw away. For years I never understood how devastating miscarriage can be. Until it happened to me.

In this pregnancy I have - up until now - refused to do any knitting. In case I jinx things with my optimism. This is irrational. I am now 24 weeks pregnant. Every scan has given good news. I should be confident by now about this baby: even as I write I can feel her swimming across my stomach, kicking me as she goes. We have a name for her, scan photos, even a 15-minute DVD. She is a reality. But I remain nervous. Too nervous to think about buying baby equipment. I've managed to start knitting again, though. A sleep bag (like the one pictured above). That's something.

Posted 18 March 2008 15:44

Miscarriage New baby Pregnancy

Comments

Louise said:

The nervousness is very understandable but I am so pleased to hear that the pregnancy is going well.

Posted 18 March 2008 21:04

Helen said:

Louise, thanks. I am getting a bit more confident as the weeks go by. I know it's a blessing to be able to be pregnant again after miscarriage.

Posted 18 March 2008 22:05

Jan said:

There's always time to get baby gear! Don't push yourself beyond your comfort zone and let time continue to heal you and rebuild your confidence.

Posted 18 March 2008 22:09

Rosie said:

That's a very moving post Helen. You said 'she' - are you having a girl then?

Posted 18 March 2008 22:37

Manic Mother of Five said:

It's such an emotive topic - common sense tells you that there was a reason it happened but then that ache to be a mum just screams WHY, WHY, WHY... Have had three miscarriages over the years but have gone on the have successful pregnancies after each. The odds are all in your favour so get those needles clicking - you know you won't have a minute for it once baby makes her (???????) debut.



Good luck!



MMoF

Posted 19 March 2008 08:49

Helen said:

Jan, thanks. You're right. We'll manage fine for a little while with what we've got. When the time comes, I will be heading over to your site!



Hi Rosie, well spotted. Yes, we are having a little girl. I am delighted.



Hi Manic Mother of Five, well, I am sorry to hear about your three miscarriages, (I find it hard enough coming to terms with the one), but your comment was a pleasure to read.

Posted 19 March 2008 09:20

Expatmum said:

I have been a knitter (on and off) all my life but started towards the end of each pregnancy just to make myself sit down and rest. It's very soothing, as long as you don't pick out a complicated pattern, and the great thing is that if the worst comes to the worst, you can always pull it out. And once the babe comes along, you'll have someone to pull it out for you!

Posted 20 March 2008 16:08

Helen said:

Expatmum, yes, knitting is very soothing. I took it up again after a gap of many years when Beanie was born.

Posted 20 March 2008 16:35

Stay at home dad said:

Hello m@l and congratulations on your pregnancy. One child, another on the way and a book (how's that going?). Busy times!

Posted 25 March 2008 08:56

Helen said:

Hi Stay at Home Dad, lovely to see you here again. You've been missed, you know. My publisher is having a few problems, so there's been a delay with the book. The real problem, though, is that all I really want to do is lie on the sofa and day dream.

Posted 25 March 2008 08:59

Joyfulgirl said:

How terribly sad to find those little squares of knitted hope and anticipation. Perhaps in some ways it is also nice to have those tangible links to that baby.

Posted 25 March 2008 15:15

Helen said:

Joyfulgirl, thanks, that's a good way to look at things. It does make me sad that the squares are all I have left of him or her.

Posted 25 March 2008 15:36

DJ Kirkby said:

Just go at the pace you can cope with. This little one will manage just fine in Beanie's old baby clothes, she won't know the idfference will she? Those squares are precious and should be saved and treasured, each one is full of love.

Posted 25 March 2008 16:53

Helen said:

Oh, DJ, your comment nearly made me cry. Thank you for what you say. You make me feel it wasn't all a waste of time after all.

Posted 25 March 2008 19:46

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